Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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