just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
