when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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