but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My cat gives me a boner
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
