I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
