when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
