the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
