my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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