she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I will pee on everything he values.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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