dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
