I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
