My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
