oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this boner is exhausting
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just blew my weed a kiss
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
