R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
