i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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