so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
