I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
