There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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