Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
