I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
