Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
