cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
