You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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