I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
