I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
