Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
