Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize