Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
As shirtless as possible
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
