in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
