and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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