Pants 0. Shit 1.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
