that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
