Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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