I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
