I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
