He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
