Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
