ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
