i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
