just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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