I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
