im drinking this country out of the recession.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
