I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
