Please, let me fuck your mom
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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