I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
