If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
