I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
