chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
