All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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