We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
