Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
