you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Couch. On fire.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
