...so i touched it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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