is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
