When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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