your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
