I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize