I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize