Just cropdusted the office
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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