True but thats because hes a fetus.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
