I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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