she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
