She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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