I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
