My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
