I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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