do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you traded sex for a burrito?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize