My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
high people should be assigned attendants
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
