If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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