It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
